The Cat in the Liberals' Porch

Somebody actually read Michael Moore's election guide? Wow, I bet that's a pretty trustworthy document. May as well buy his weight loss book while you're at it. Jelly donuts aren't fattening. It's just a big conspiracy by Big Veggie!

Democrats are professional losers not because of some obscure conspiracy of Freemasons that began over 200 years ago--what the hell is the point of a conspiracy that takes over 200 years to complete, anyway? That's ridiculous. Democrats are professional losers because the secular socialism they embrace is an alien belief system to the majority of Americans. Sure, like a drunk guy at 2 AM, Americans sometimes go home with one out of desperation now and then, but they wake up in the morning and realize their error, take a really hot shower, and go down to the clinic and get tested.

Bill Clinton lasted 8 years because Americans had two years of a Democratic executive and legislative branch, nearly got Hillarycare, and then promptly cleaned a lot of Democrats out of the House. Clinton is a smart politician and he got the message. Republicans got welfare reform, tax cuts, and other things while they let Bill take the credit for a growing economy. Win, win.

The Clintons are the most skilled politicians the Democrats have had in 50 years, but they were outmatched by the raw emotion surrounding Obama. It was just "wrong place, wrong time" for Hillary. Against anyone else, she would have rolled through the primaries and "Who was Hillary Clinton's Republican opponent in 2008?" would be a Trivial Pursuit question. Unfortunately for liberals, they may fall victim to one of their character flaws--inordinate reliance on emotions over reason. The "Obama-non" was just too enthralling and now Democrats are left with the substantially inferior candidate. Sure, he's a great speaker (when the teleprompter is working), he's young, dynamic, and black, to boot, but what has he really done?

In an ironic twist, McCain was the least loved by the Republican base, but he turned out to be the best possible candidate available to run against Obama. Had it been Clinton, he would be experiencing the familiar sensation of an airplane being shot out from under him, but as luck would have it, he's running close with Obama in an environment uniquely hostile to Republicans. Then he picks Sarah Palin and totally changes the game. With one stroke, he made the media look foolish as they flailed about trying to take her down, he made liberal feminists look like hypocrites as they suddenly questioned her ability to raise children and be a VP and wondered aghast how she could decide not to flush a Down's baby like any other "reasonable" woman would, and he totally threw off Obama's game. Not to mention the contrast with Obama's running mate...Joe...who?

When I was a kid, there was this mean cat down the street that finally earned a one-way trip to Animal Control. Somehow that cat was lured into our screened porch and the guy went in to trap it. That thing defied gravity as it ran on the walls like a 10-pound tornado, making a total mess of things. Palin is the cat in the Democrats' porch and they don't know whether to shit or wind their watches. The idea that the first female VP (and possibly P down the road) would be a conservative who is pro-life, has five kids, hunts, and believes in Jesus is just not at all what Gloria Steinem fought for! The ultimate indignity for them would be if she chooses a black running mate should she find herself running for president in four or eight years. I'd be careful walking under any open windows in Manhattan's Upper West Side when that happens, lest I be a victim of an effete liberal's suicide. I think she's a hell of a choice because it's just so damn funny watching the circus. She's definitely a strange duck, but anyone who lives in Alaska has to be a bit eccentric.